1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?  A character on a made for TV movie called Hotline played by Deana Carter.  My mom got the spelling for my name from the TV Guide and saved the clipping.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?  Last night.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?  Meh

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?  Boar’s Head Turkey.  Oh wait, I almost forgot Spam, head cheese, sardines, Vienna sausages, and pig feet (but only when I have pickled eggs on the side). 

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?  Not that I know of.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?  Depends on what person I was.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?  Never

8. YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?  I decided one day that the only way I will ever be a true artist is to send a body part in the mail like Van Gogh.  I really like my ears, so I thought tonsils were a good way to go since they are pretty much useless and it was too hard to get to my spleen. 

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?  Depends on the day

10. YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?  Anything bad for you.  I like those chocolate balls that make your milk brown; can’t think of the name.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?  My heels don’t have shoe laces. 

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?  I am the modern day Randy Savage, basically.

13. YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?  Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Buns 

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?  Body language and expression on their face

15. RED OR PINK?  Pink

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU?  I am way into self-deprecating, so as to not leave any part of me out; I have everything on a rotating schedule.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?  My dad, nana and sister 

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?  Yes, and there is a $20.00 charge for me to review.  I take PayPal or cash. 

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?  Black and black

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? phentermine pill

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Two people in the next office talking about fistulas

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?  I’d probably be a rainbow crayon, because all gay people are into rainbows.  I have a rainbow motif throughout my house, and every wall is a different color of the rainbow, and when my wife and I go to bed we put on our matching rainbow pajamas.  I also have a human rights sticker on my pick-up truck right next to my Got Butch? bumper sticker with pinup girl mud flaps. 

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?  Michael by Michael Kohrs.  You nailed that one, Mike.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?  Lady from court reporting service.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?  Not really

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?  All lesbians watch WNBA and softball, so that is what I watch. 

27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde

28. EYE COLOR? Greyish blueish greenish 

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?  No, but I am supposed to.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Anything that will clog my arteries. 

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?  Scary. 

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?  Blades of Glory, but what I wanted to watch was The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, but it’s not out yet so we had to settle for Jon Heder and Will Farrell.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?  This better not be for any weird, sexual reason.  I am wearing a silverish-grey sweater.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?  I am never satisfied.  Both, please. 

35. HUGS OR KISSES?  Both

36. FAVORITE DESSERT?  Spam ice cream and anything else I can get my hands on.  I will be famous one day for being the world’s largest woman and they will have to cut me out of my house because a doctor will decide at the last minute to perform a very risky gastric bypass and then I will be hot again because I won’t be able to keep any food down.

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?  Jesse Jackson and Osama Bin Laden38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?  You

 

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?  The Bonesetter’s Daughter and Stephen King’s The Wastelands

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?  Dumbass question

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?  Food Network

42. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND?  Locusts, really good music, and when it rains really hard. 

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?  Metallica

44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?  Minnesota

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?  Yes, I am typing this with my butt cheeks.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?  Methodist Hospital in Houston

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?  Upton Sinclair’s

48.  WHAT IS ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE SIGHTS?  My wife’s arms and back 

49.  FAVORITE ANIMALS?  If I was Paris Hilton, I’d have a three-toed sloth and also any other exotic creature that I could buy with my grandfather’s money and not have to take care of and use for an accessory when I attend red carpet events.  Oh, and a white long-haired Persian that looks like the cat from the Fancy Feast commercials.  That’s it.